There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. (Einstein)
Therefore I divide my life into two parts synchronized with each other. An indispensable Yin-Yang.
The first part of my life I lived it entirely wrong. Wanting to reach perfection; competing with others. Wanting to be a perfect mother, a daughter, a wife, a friend, and devoted my time and energy on how others will evaluate me.
And again I was unhappy, always concentrating only on the black point in the white paper. Complaining, exhausting and stressing myself, my mind, my body until I came to a degree when I hated everyone and everything, including myself.
My happiness had conditions. I expected to be happy when I would finish all the work, when everyone had eaten, when I would lose 10 kg, when I would go on vacation … This kind of happiness doesn’t exist, it was just an image that made me damage my body, and being diagnosed with a terrible disease, incurable disease.
Many doctor confirmed my serious condition, they and their authority with the power of the words made me believe that my life was over. With or without surgery my end was closer than I could imagine. Doctors didn’t guarantee anything to me.
Everything that I had built, everything that I dreamed of vanished just from one diagnosis. I started to believe it and at the same time the physical pains began. I locked myself in my dark room and expecting my own death. I could feel my organs were decaying from within.
In the end, I realized how important my life was and I wanted to live because I realized that the most important thing in my life was ME. Myself, who I hated continuously. Nothing mattered anymore, my life was perfect as it was, and I had sinned by not being grateful to the most precious gift.
What was important were the seconds, minutes, hours, days … – The breath, which was denied to me day by day.
However, you can see the stars only in darkness. Therefore, my illness came to me as a blessing. It came to awaken me, to tell me how important I was. If I wouldn’t live, it would not be important whether or not the sun rises tomorrow. When I realized that I had so much to lose, when I realized how beautiful life is, I had a burning desire to live, to fight. But everywhere I asked for help, they would flap my hope into my face.
My sister asked me to read a book in order to help me get out of that hopeless situation. That book made me change the whole perception of life; it was completely the opposite of what I had ever believed. The teachings were based on love of yourself, gratitude and forgiveness. It said,
“We are the creators of our life, we create our lives with our thoughts. Thoughts are our power. If we change our thoughts, we can change our life.” Everything made sense. I had created a terrible disease, but if I could change the thoughts would I reverse it, or would I create a new reality?
So I dedicated myself with love to the new lessons, doing all the exercises and techniques. Affirming hundreds or thousands time that I was already healed, that I was already in the process of change, that my life is perfect. At first it was not easy, I had to much resistance. Me versus Me was the most difficult fight. To say to yourself “I am healed” when you feel terrible pains all over your body. To tell yourself that everything is perfect when you are counting the days backwards. But everything was a thought, and thoughts can be changed.
I didn’t like the feeling of being a victim, it was a feeling you cannot swallow, so I decided to put all my power, all my being to change. I changed my diet, I started reading, watching videos, doing affirmations, do exactly as those who were at my condition before me and had triumphed.
You cannot seek new results if you do the same thing again and again. I decided not believe that I was sick, and then I started to feel it and finally I created another reality for myself. As I changed, the circumstances around me started to change. From a metastasized tumor diagnosis, doctors began to say it was a well doer tumor and the tumor started to shrink and in two years of intense devotion it disappeared completely, it vanished.
I managed to change the course of my disease with the power of my mind. We decide, with our thoughts what kind of life we would like to live. I chose to believe in miracles and miracles happened to me.
Burbuqe Raufi, author of Dr. Mind