To school, or not to school.

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My younger son, my baby,  started school two weeks ago, a first grader. He doesn’t want to go, he cried all summer, he didn’t even want to celebrate his birthday, because  he knew that six years old means school.

I tried my best, I tried to persuade him that school is a great place, he’ll get to know other kids, he’ll get new friends. I bought him a school bag that he chose, with a  sharp teeth shark image on it, clothes with his favorite superheroes, and he got exited…we were all there the first day, the most important day of his life, he even did the fake smile for my sake on the picture above, but his heart was beating faster, his skin got pale, his mouth was drying out. He didn’t want to speak, he didn’t even say his name.

I felt like I had failed, and I did. I gave him to much attention, to much love and hundreds of hugs and kisses per day.

Changes are hard, but necessary. And we both failed. We are bonded, attached to each other, like conjoint twins, we can’t get apart.

He cries everyday. I cry everyday, too, when I am not with him, at work, in the bathroom, when I iron his little clothes.

It feels like I am taking away his freedom, the freedom of being himself.

He has learned English Language fluently, just by watching cartoons and videos, he has learned the numbers and adding just by himself, he has learned the letters to make google searches, when he can’t write the words, he would make a voice search on google, honestly I never knew there was an option like that.

He watches videos of human body structure, he explores every human organ by analyzing their functions, and explain to me in details. Asks me who created us,  the Earth, the Moon, who created God. He is a little genius, but he doesn’t want to go to school…What in earth he will learn there, rules?

Rules, on how he can’t be himself, how can he be an instrument? A droid probably!?

I don’t have answers for all these questions, I really don’t. But, I know I love him and that is the only thing I can offer, not a solution to his anxiety, and I know he loves me too, and he makes me proud, of who he is, a little human with a great heart.

Life had tough me, that after great struggles, the answers reveal itself and I believe in the process of life. Everything will turn out great, a miracle will happen. But today, I needed to write this, today I need to cry.

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31 thoughts on “To school, or not to school.

  1. It seems a little genius but have relations is very educational. Not enough to know you must also learn to listen, even arguing, but not only with Mom! Best wishes!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You have strong shoulders and a big heart. Keep being there for him. Routine makes a child feel safe. Reading aloud gives the child the words he needs, and also a great experience of learning about the world and others. Read fiction and picture books together. Listen, talk, snuggle, and smile. You are probably already doing this, yet sometimes an affirmation feels good. -Jennie-

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  3. You’ve put it in a beautiful way! As for the little genius, I’m sure he’ll learn a lot with the other children in school and continue to be a genius there also. Let the world see his brilliance!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It seems he is a very special child.. He don’t want to go at school not because he don’t want to learn, maybe he has bigger things in his mind than others childrens has … He just learned to many thinks not everyone can learn …no children succeeds without a good mother behind him . Mother or teacher, he has both , he is twice blessed indeed 😍

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  5. It sounds like you’ve given him a wonderful start to his life. I hated school when I started at the age of 4 and even ran away but they found me standing patiently beside a busy road. Some take longer to settle than others especially more introverted personalities who are very happy in their own company. He’ll carve his own path guided by the hands of your love. 🌻

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      1. He loves school – learning, playing with friends. He’s going to be six next month. I’m sure your son will come to enjoy it but it may take time. Hang in there, my friend. 🙂 I just love your account of it and how open you are to share. Thank you again! Wishing you both all the best!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. My son started elementary school this September. He is exactly what you have described about your son. He is smart, asks intelligent questions, something very deep questions about God and Universe… He is a social boy loves playing with other kids but he just like yours doesn’t want to go school. I did ask his teacher if he plays with other kids. According to his teacher he is very friendly and gets along with everyone. I don’t understand why does he not want to go school.May be it’s his way of expressing that he loves me most and I am his world just like he is mine…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing, so it’s not just my son, there are couple of other kids in his class that feel the same, there is a girl who hasn’t spoken a word yet. My son is also friendly and has made some friends and enjoys being with them even after school, according to his teacher is active at the classroom, doing all the work, (we even finished the math’s exercises book for one day, I didn’t want to but he insisted) However, he is feels uncomfortable staying at school by himself, so my husband waits him outside and he checks him couple of times a day whether he is there or not. We really don’t know how to overcome this, when we tried he would get depressed and cries all the time. As you said probably he needs more time to adapt to his new environment where he is not the center of the Universe as he is at home with us.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. But education is very important nowadays. Not all people would be the same to some people like Bill Gates who became a multi-billionaire that was not highly educated before. It seems that your son is a smart, keep pursuing him and the brood to the best they could be! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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