Dr. Mind’ s Preview

I was imaging how life would be without me. I wasn’t irreplaceable. Someone else would replace my work position; my friends would have new friends; even my husband could get a new wife. Most of the other people won’t even care. My death would just be news to them, something taking a few minutes of their time. Yet when I thought about my own children and my family my heart was torn apart. It was an unbearable pain. I spent a lot of time closed in my room, and cried as much as my body would bear.

I started to feel physical pains, real pains all over my body. My energy went down. I couldn’t move and I couldn’t eat. I was witnessing how my internal organs were decaying. So I spent most of the time lying and feeling sorry for myself. It was over. I was lying there on my deathbed. My sense of victimhood became worse and worse. I couldn’t even do my housework. I remember my young nieces came and did the housework for me. My house was full of bad energy; we could hardly speak to each other. My boys thought I was suffering from flu, so they were patient when they saw me in that awful condition. The older son was much more aware of my situation and he ignored me all of the time. It looked like he hated me for being ill. The younger one, being just a toddler, would come to me, kiss me, hug me and give me that divine smile as though he were trying to tell me something, as though he knew everything was going to be well. On the other hand, my husband never gave up. All night he read different articles about my disease and, while taking care of me, he would tell me a thing or two. But I kept ignoring it, I didn’t want to know or learn.

A professional book review for The Tavern

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By a professional book reviewer for Simon and Schuster & Hachette Books.

5/5 stars

A near-death experience while giving birth to her first child sets the tone for “The Tavern” as Nina Simone struggles to find her freedom as she searches the world for answers of the nothingness she longs to feel again.

Through a poetic tone of voice, the description was captivating to read and made me feel as if I was there myself. The way Nina talks is the way I believe, every woman to think, she has a right to be herself and will do as she pleases.

“Dear, I know it might sound like madness to you, but the moment that death separated me from the life was the most beautiful feeling the nothingness that I’ve ever experienced.”

I personally loved how fast paced the book was, a great beginning, loved the plot and I dug right into the problems at hand with no problem. Nina lost and gained so much in so little time, it’s gives a sense of reality as this could happen to anyone.

Extremely satisfying to read and beautifully written.

Original link

The more I find myself, the less I need others. 

Into the nature I go to sooth my soul and wash away the unnecessary crap that I carry within me, accumulated during the everyday experiences.The water, the wind, trees, flowers, air, sunbeams are all pure energy because they don’t think, and thoughts are energies, the more people you interact more frustrated, disscomforted you become, and so the more I cleanse myself the moreI am able to find myself the more I find others as unnecessary means for my life.

Being in nature is like reading the best book, but yet wordless, just feelings telling you the truth of who you really are, and not the one that people want you to be, a slave of their acceptance.

Relationship with the nature doesn’t ask you to change, it ask you to be You.

Because there is no person more important than you.

Today I had this divine feeling about myself, appreciation about who I really am and I felt like I am being the best version of myself. All my life I thought that if I love myself, I am being narcissistic ang egoist, others should be first in my list. Such a wrong belief, which led me to a terminal disease and got cured when I returned myself to the state of self love. How can I love others if I am not here to love them? So, as I was reflecting my life, this feeling of appreciation arose. 

I LOVE myself, I am proud of myself for being open to new approaches. I know there are a lot of unlimited things I need to learn and I am learning every day something new. I am open to life and I am loving it. 🙂 
How are you feeling today? 💗

Zephyr

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Today’s date marked three months of her stay in the depths of a dense mountain L. She lived in the old house of Mr. and Mrs. Piru. Their age had passed the seventy, and hers wasn’t even the half of them. However she enjoyed their company, the quietness and the freshness of the zephyr visiting occasionally. Most of the time the three of them sat silently, as it was the nature of those winter days. The birds had flown away, many of the animals of the forest were hiding on their shelters, some had not survived the killing frost, so everything around was so silent, calm and so white at the same time.

While Mr.Piru was lighting the fire, Mrs. Piru lightly touched her shoulders, looked over with a hesitation, but she decided to speak after all.

“Honey, tonight is the Big Moon, tonight we are having a feast. I need your assistance, to prepare the traditional cake.”

“A feast?!” –she asked surprised.

“Something extraordinary was happening. Why would they organize a feast? There were only three souls who barely talk to each other. Parting means guests are coming, and there should be music, dancing.”- Bubble of questions arose above her head.

“Yes dear, a feast. Umm…is going to visit us “- Mrs. Piru couldn’t continue the sentence while she was rubbing her hands with an old towel that she was holding.

‘A visitor?’- she whispered to herself.

“In this place kilometers away from civilization, in this season where snow has almost covered all the trees, let’s not talk about the roads. A guest is coming!?“- She asked herself, frustrated.

However she decided to remain silent, she decided to help the old lady. Perhaps it would be something different after all those days of silence and stillness.

At this time of the year, night comes very quickly. So they hurried to bake the cake and the whole house smelled its sweet taste, on the other side Mr.Piru was decorating the room with numerous candles.

“Once a year is this Big Moon…feast, tradition…umm?”- She dared to ask.

“Yes, you are lucky being here this time of the year. Although this is our secret, we decided not to hide it from you, because you came here the exact way.” Said Mrs. Piru.

Her words were illogical, pointless; however, she had to keep silent wanting to experience the whole event, without wondering what it is about.

She went to her room , usually at this time of day she makes a short break. She laid down and closed her eyes. She had promised herself whenever she would close her eyes, never to recall the past, to not remember the wounds, not to recall the memories that brought her a lot of pain. Therefore her thoughts were unrealistic and this was the only way it will achieve her purpose, the purpose for which she had abandoned everything.

Suddenly a cold breath of death covered her while her eyes were closed. It felt like he was nailed to the bed, and couldn’t move her limbs. It was dark and she wallowed at all costs to escape from that situation that was created, she wanted to return to normal, and so she was trying hard and finally she managed to open her eyes and she saw a shadow with a candle in its hand standing silent at the end of her bed.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaa”- she screamed and couldn’t catch her breath.

“Calm down dear, it’s me.”- Spoke with Mrs. Piru with tenderness.

“I guess I had fallen asleep.”

“He is here.”  Said Mrs..Piru.

She got up out of bed, put on her shoes and followed the old woman with a candle, lightning the stairs toward the waiting room.

She was still stunned by what had just happened, her heart was still beating as an old clock, but her curiosity to see the visitor led her to the waiting room, which was full of candles lit by Mr. Piro. The cake stood on the table and four empty wine glasses.

The room was warm, but the objects appeared strange by the candle lights, they seemed unreal as were her dreams anew. The windows were closed by the darkness of the night, while in the sofa next to the fireplace sat a man’s silhouette. She couldn’t see him clearly, the objects of the room were moving as the light of the candles was fleeing over. So she concentrated her look to see the visitor, who had the shape of a man but very uncertain, although the candles were away from him, his body still shone like  it was covered by the  flashing rays of the moon that had deserted the sky that night.

While she watched, his face became clearer; his eyes were staring at her, shining and penetrating eyes. She felt his gaze which entered and spilled across her veins. She panicked for a moment and dared to approach him, while suddenly Mrs. Piru clutched her arm with her hand.

“No”- She said.

“Now is the time to raise a toast for our visitor” – She filled the cups with red wine. She gave one cup to him and the rest to them and they all were standing around the table.

The visitor’s body was shining like he was wearing a phosphoric suit. Mr.Piru whispered a few words in an unknown language and drank a sip of wine so did she. They sat down at the table, joined their hands and touched their foreheads with their finger top, and stayed in that position for a very long time.

She didn’t enjoy their ritual, but continued to look at the mysterious friend who so far hadn’t said a single word. After finishing that unknown ritual, Ms. Piru grabbed with his hand the visitors hand the other one with Mrs. Piru , while she grabbed her hand they formed a hand circle. After a few moments the phosphoric light of the new friend began to penetrate their bodies slowly, moving toward her fingers too. At that moment she was terrified, jumped from the table and shouted:

“What’s going on here, who is this?”

The three of them raised their heads looking at her and smiled.

“Fear not dear, this is Mino, our son “- said Mr. Piro

“Why doesn’t he speak?” – She asked with a trembling voice.

“It is enough that he is here, we are grateful to the Moon Kingdom and the Holly Frost- said Mrs. Piro.

She did not remember that her friend had mentioned a brother. She always complained that it was the only daughter and had been unable to convince the parents to live with her in town. It is certain she would not know for her brother that her parents kept secret. Too many questions were born. What is this visit about, why he came here in this awful weather, how did he come, why he is he illuminated, why he doesn’t speak?

She couldn’t dare ask these questions. Therefore she mumbled,

“How long he will stay?

“Till the dawn darling.” – Mrs. Piro answered with a kind voice.

“But if you are tired, you are not obliged to stay “- intervened Mr. Piro.

She crossed her arms around her chest, trying to stop her heart not to leave her body at that moment. She walked a few steps back and saluted them by saying: “Good night”.

They just nodded and continued the ritual with hand circuit. While he was gazing at her and followed her as she left the room.

“It must be the wine, nothing unusual. It’s their right to keep his son a secret. Perhaps they have a good reason and should remain so.”

She closed the door with a picket, to feel more secure. Stripped off her clothes and lay down under the quilt. Tonight she will visit India because it was in her dream itinerary. She drew the bindi in the middle of her forehead, put the pearls glistening on the head, wore the colorful long dress and began to dance and move her head once to the left and then to the right in the middle of the crowd with the sound of Brahma Di-DA! Da! DA!

And so she fell asleep to wake  up by a touch on her cheekbones. She opened her eyes and dared not say a word. His eyesight was so innocent, so deep, so painless.

“You should not have chosen Brahma, it sounds crisp. Shanta is fundamentally, combined with the sound of the Indian Ocean waves would have created a hypnotic sensation and you couldn’t feel my touch “- he whispered.

She still couldn’t say a word; she was just hearing her breathing and felt the vibrations of her lower lip.

He continued to look her in the eyes, as he had found a treasure after thousands of years of mining.

“I still don’t know your name”- he said.

“I don’t know what my name is, too.”- She barely responded. She had no fear of the unknown, because her whole life she was looking for it. She was afraid of his calm and his gaze.

“They felt a sleep, they have no age to wait for the dawn anymore. So I came here, but I won’t be staying long.”- He continued while his fingertips were touching her neck which was already wet.

“Once this was my room, this was my bed and I always found it empty ‘- and he went on telling her several stories, stories that she had never heard. She experienced all of them with him, she got tired, and fell in a deep sleep.

When she woke up, she looked around, he was not there. She ran down to look for him, but he was not there too. Mr. and Mrs. Piro, were doing their usual chores, and they did not notice her presence,

‘Where is he?’ –She asked them.

“Who?” – They both answered.

She went out to look for him. The entire lawn was covered with snow, which shone as if it were painted with diamond wax and there was no trace, no footprints.

She took a deep breath and felt like her lungs filled with fresh and cold air.

“Until the next Big Moon.” – She said and went back inside.

©burbuqeraufi